Celebrity Blog: To fill the void of your tiny meaningless life

2009-12-08T14:45:00.000-08:00

blog continues for now at...

http://thefuckingchason.com/blog

Katie Holmes is the most fortunate girl in the whole wide world

2007-11-13T15:46:00.000-08:00

With the tits and empty stomach to prove it

Talk about marrying a couple levels down

2007-11-12T22:38:00.000-08:00

I wasn't going to bring it up but this low you've hit just hurts me so much. I mean, i'm a good guy, a nice boy really. A boy that usually just holds himself to such high stadards but, I feel utterly righteous here. I don't know whats more of a zinger how disgusting you are or that I was/am associated with you. First off tell your husband to get a fucking hair cut. Australia called, they said they're out of conditioner and sun in, what a fag. Good thing to since even he couldn't be satisfied by you in the bedroom. Once again not something i'd normally bring up, but you gals have got us boys so worked up over our dick size its time for retribution. The equivelant of penis pump ads need to be in Vogue magazine. Your Labia are like two parasital twin legs that they never got around to amputating. I feel like the prop guy used them as reference for the insides of a war torn solidier on the set of Born on the 4th of July. The first time I went down on you I finally understood where they got the inspiration for the movie Aliens, that inner mouth that pops out of the Aliens mouth is like your saggy lips filling with blood as I get you off. Except instead of eating faces they devoured a part of my passion for girls that i'll never be able to reclaim. Youth and innocence lost. Your over all beauty subsided for awhile, your tits, lean filets on top of rib cage MM. But now I can see it in the lines of your face. Your smile lines indicate that dull grey excess flesh dangling between your theighs. I can now sense it even passing women briefly on the street, a flash of their demeanor lets me in on that horrible thing they hide. Not getting waxed, under crossed legs and stockings, no level of class can hide that darkness. My advice to you- get a pair of scissors, be a man, stop being such a loose cunt, cut them off. snip snip. Then again they'll most likely just grow back, you might be better off just using the toe nail clippers. Trim that ugliness back on a weekly basis (I'm so sorry, I swear i'm full of love. its just, its just you hurt me so much, and, I, just, fuck you Nic).

Gwyneth don't ever leave me

2007-10-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

I always thought you were to precious to fuck, not everyone would think this however. Now its too late. you're gone. A formidable dick and you're fucking finally fufilled. and i'll never be able to do that, its not just, and we all know now that there will be no life for you, us, beyond that vaginal orgasm. I could lift you with ability and have you clean above the filth, he will flip you over squat fuck you and keep you suspended like a high schooler caught fucking in the bathroom stall; the guilt, the pleasure, the bad girl I could never bring out. You'd nuzzle in the nook of my chin to chest looking to my eyes, you'll be biting your lip face down in the blackness of a pillow pulsing penetrated pussy to pancreass pounded. You'd blush and cover up as I looked down at your vagina, you'll begin to seep as he demands to check your molars via your cunt canal (I knew that tube ran straight to the back of your head and directly into your brain. The problem is I had a penis that was used to make the physical connection that mirrored our bond. Hes got a cock, a monument to nothing, an abandoned skycraper, glistening and smooth, veins like pinky fingers bulging, a gerth to fill you, a length to stab at that spot in your brain that erases our love, my heart drowned under your new found wetness. And your face is wretched in carnal pleasure. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me like that sweet loving boy I can't recall never will. And you might say, Brad don't you see that love is of greater importance than a fleeting instinctual pleasure? I see nothing but a dark hard dick in the chasm my values were once put in

If you are an actor please move away to a very remote ditch

2007-10-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

The only valid acting is bad acting. Average acting is bullshit, good acting is even worse, great acting or award winning performances don't even exist. Have you fuckers ever met people that want to act (I know you have), they are fucking idiots. Now imagine that annoying over the top drama nerd after they have made it and there are people celebrating them! Actors are the most over rated sacks of shit to exist ever. EVER. I am talking even compared to some Egyptian or Aztec dude from back in the day who proclaims himself a God to rule over everyone and then sacrifices a bunch of virgins. Fucking actors with all the attention they demand and their award shows like some gigantic circle jerk with all of us giving them a reach around holding them so high up there. Its PRETENDING, I do that every god damn day, so what they have learned to do it in front of a camera, will someone finally put their foot down and treat these self obsessed twits like the second class citizens they deserve to be.

The Bradders

2007-10-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

On my way home today I saw a gutted pigeon. It was like an anatomy lesson, like a Steven Spielberg war movie where a horror director had taken over for that one shot. It was like a grenade had been shoved down the pigeons throat and exploded from the inside... It reminded me of you. You who bitches and moans and whines and critiques, even if it is just to serve your inner monologue. You steal from me the moments of my life. You take from me the private moments, with their potential for joy, for your voyeuristic pleasure. My image for your constant need to be distracted from the horror that is your life. The bottom line is every minute you have to complain or focus on me is another minute you don't have to deal with your own self loathing. Your failed potential to serve yourself, this life, and cease its joys weighs you down, crushes your day to day with such efficiency that the only way to escape that constant death is to invade my directed life. You all have tiny pathetic souls. Even if every one of your souls were to activate interlock and form together like Voltron regrouping as one mega soul it could not stand up to the strength of my soul on one moment of joy. I will slay you like the cowards you are, afraid of the fight for your own potential... Speaking on your level now; to drive this home, your place as a man in this world is non existent in the light of my being. I will slay your woman until she is begging for it to be inside her again whining shivering convulsing sapping on my fingers like its the only nourishment she will ever need or receive again. Forget creaming her panties, I can feel it through her jeans, I can feel the moistness through two layers of cotton, a pair of long johns, that raw expensive Japanese denim, and a pair goose downed snow pants. She has got her legs spread wide for me and there is fucking steam rising from that longing you will never, ever, be able to fulfill. Let your uselessness, your inability sink in. I am the Bradders.

Renee Zellweger is a weapon against women; destroys heroes

2007-10-07T09:29:00.000-07:00

You complete me?! YOU COMPLETE ME. How fucking dare you bring our hero down to this level. Mr. Cruise is so much man you could run the world off his love. The absurdity of even suggesting that there might be a vacant place within his being to fill is reason enough to force feed your face to your cavernous cankerous cancerous vagina. A population of useless singles swells around the sick hidden agenda that is Renee Zellweger; to destroy pillars of men. There is an emptiness inside her that will never be filled. Just look at that face sucking in her features and everything around it; bitter with the world. She may think she just needs a little filler to make her feel better, a man, but it sucks and it sucks like the black hole of her being. It is a testament to our hero that he was able to surpass her. Light itself couldn't have done it... A person should stand alone, a complete beacon of energy radiating, whole. Only then may two people come together in celebration of each other. A person who needs to be completed by another is like a disaster that can never be fixed. Renee will keep folding into herself and gaping until the only thing left to complete is her implosion.

Leto inspires thousand to join the UFC

2007-10-05T21:10:00.000-07:00

Gauging out his eyeballs and eating his insides until you vomit half digested digestive system all over his hallow face. Hatred like a Klan member, like a slave beating its owner, Jennifer Aniston watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith. The opposite of how Mike Tyson feels about pigeons (He loves them with an awesomeness surpassing the collective love you have for your entire family. Immediate, extended, future, and past. He LOVES them. Like not in a vague or abstract way)

MJ has the eternal spirit of a child

2007-10-05T21:04:00.000-07:00

Yet another crusader which you must defend at every mention of his name. He is no longer of this world, he is of no race, no gender, no age, an entity of curious ever lasting innocence. I would be grateful to let him delicately beat off my kid, as long as he was whisper singing "Beat it" simultaneously in his ear as the other hand vogued out L-O-V-E very very slowly. This is difficult task but don't doubt for a second the ambidextrous abilities of MJ. He can moon walk. Moon walk on my future infants face.

Robert Downey had a valid thought some time ago

2007-09-27T17:09:00.000-07:00

What if its just a reasonable decision, wouldn't it be okay to come to this conclusion. It's not like you are an unintelligent person. What if you have thought it all out, not in a state of panic or despair, just time and time again in the most reasonable of states. You've gone over all the facts and possibilities. You know what you are capable of. You even have the ego to realize that you could have anything you want. You want money, you are talented enough. You want the girl, you are pretty enough. You want the success, you could work hard enough. But, its just not for you. You couldn't be bothered. So what you may inspire people, make them happy, you know it, doesn't change what you feel, your experience. Even being capable of attaining anything you want, you'd just end up feeling the way you do always. Like shit. Your thought process is clear, its not rash, not unreasonable. No one should be disappointed, or sad. This life just aint your cup of tea, so everyone just like be cool with it.

Darkness wants to shed light on your private life

2007-09-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

You need to stay in your room, behind a locked door, in the back of the closet. There is something following you every time you step outside. There is someone judging your every decision. Every person you know will share everything dark inside you, there is no hiding it. You have no privacy. You will never be left alone. You will always live in fear and never be settled. Never left to just live and be happy. There is a monster lurking and it wants pictures of your vagina and your heart on a plate with lots of fiber to be easily consumed and digested as light entertainment. Its karma for the self absorbed tarts and beef cakes.

When you insult someone it is best to be completely direct

2007-08-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

Try giving an insult that is truly funny and well thought out to a complete stranger. The time and effort you put into it clearly apparent. More often than not they may be pleased by you, genuinely amused by your keen wit. Now be short and concise with a stranger and observe their reaction. For example, this girl. (said with a tone showcasing an utter distaste for life in general) YOU FUCKING CUNT!

MTV personalities are the only reason to live

2007-08-20T20:58:00.000-07:00

The inadequacy you feel is real. You do not mean anything. Your life ultimately will effect nothing. There is no reason to fight. But, if you stop living she wins. And though her victory is trivial and meaningless, it is over you. It does mean you have lost to that. Purely out of spite you will live the rest of your life in relentless torment with no prospects for future fulfillment or even fleeting happiness just so she does not have the feeling of being better than you. More meaning and worth was displayed in the manner you defecated this morning than will run through her entire life. You will live in agony just to assure hers is slightly greater.

Tom Cruise

2007-08-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

You must constantly remind yourself of joy.

Angelina Jolie is the conclusion

2007-08-08T00:57:00.000-07:00

Her beautiful emaciation accentuating the size of your penis. Her abdominal cavity so malnourished her skin has become like an ectoplasm, see through like the skin of a new born gecko, not only does the position enable the visual of vaginal penetration but you can actually see your dick through her stomach pumping spastically inside her. Her vagina as tight and smooth as a pre teen dolphin. Our forgiveness for all men eternal.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is the pretty nice girl from your

2007-08-04T15:00:00.000-07:00

Basing a form of entertainment around Jennifer Love Hewitt is like a zoo basing itself around its pigeon exhibit. She remains so underwhelming and unremarkable you might as well go to your local Walmart and watch the shoppers. Then again if the pigeons at the zoo had gigantic tits they might be onto something, dudes would go, and girls? they are into her why? personality? the fact she seems genuinely nice? truly LOL

Kate Bosworth's chest bones initiate the death of reasonable goals

2007-08-04T14:02:00.001-07:00

Ignited from her visible chest plate your declining values become fully visible. What was once your full healthy muscular and capable ability to place values has become as bare and weak as the skeleton. Though lacking even that fundamental structure. The cavity of the solar plexus demands you worship false idols of your own creation.

Josh Hartnett beams dully

2007-08-01T15:13:00.000-07:00

He sleeps soundlessly un-moving next to you, vaguely attractive, vaguely bland. He wakes with your alarm and uses the restroom not locking the door not leaving a strand of hair behind. Towels oddly unused, the sink dry white and clean though the sound of running water was audible. You recall the perfectly reasonable orgasm you received via intercourse the night before, a heightened necessary and enjoyable act even if a little passionless. You look to something you once cared for. You feel nothing, you move forward un-thinking.

Pamela Anderson to host new reality show

2007-07-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

Premiering at 9 after the 5th repeat of ANTM on VH1 Pamela Anderson hosts a new reality show. The premise of the show is Pamela's ex hubbies rocker Tommy Lee and Kid Rock becoming roommates and moving into her strangely accommodating vagina. Tonight we see the two stars climbing up into her twat and arguing over which portion of the chasm is theirs to start downing brewskies in. Highlights of the season include Kid Rock, hysterically, having to change the diaper of Pamela and Tommy's child and then discarding it in one of her fallopian tubes and Tommy Lee befriending the ghost of Rocks deceased midget friend only to lose his spirit in the folds of Pamela's saggy left labia.

Mike Tyson dates your girlfriend (the one you still love)

2007-07-28T15:22:00.000-07:00

Somehow you have created a horror for yourself larger than you could ever have imagined possible. Ultimately you are just so very disappointed in yourself. In actuality you have nothing to fear. You have known love and its specificity. Yet you cower away from this knowledge of substance. You pitter patter in an unwarranted self deprecating slump. You allow a constant strangling feeling of anxiety that soon becomes uncontrollable.

Jared Leto is a device on which to train attack dogs

2007-07-26T02:04:00.000-07:00

A cold beam of hate envelopes you, Leto enters the room and your life comes into a pristine focus. If there is but one task in your otherwise meaningless day it is to fulfill the fantasy of seeing Jared Leto's nose shoved into his nasal cavity by the repetitive blunt blows of your forehead. Blood like victory fireworks splattered across your face. Cum shots. The smell of hot shit. Only once this is accomplished may you feel a surge of relief so epic to be placid for the rest of your life-check e-mail, shop for produce latent with chemicals, get cancer from your cellphone, go to the outlets, finally cancel Friends on your TIVO. that fucking show sucks.

Gwyenth Paltrow glows radiantly

2007-07-26T01:55:00.000-07:00

Gwyenth Paltrow wore no beach bathing attire yesterday reconfirming the existence of living. At a certain angle the supple curve of her cheek infused a future hope for love back into all our lives. The memory of moistness.

Richard Gere and Julia Roberts go on an airplane

2007-07-26T01:33:00.000-07:00

Arranged with the in flight meals and coordinated with un-complimentary ear phones Jennifer Lopez or Tom Hanks or Sandra Bullock or Dermot Mulroney appeared before the passengers. Their presence secretly killing small bits of reason and future prospects of mutual love throughout the plane. The result, a maddening fantasy or a longing hidden and impossible to fill

Britney Spears buys 11 South Beach diet microwave dinners for one sitting

2007-07-26T01:22:00.000-07:00

Like a Splenda, like a sweet and low, like an equal. An aspartame for actual life. A replacement for that un-known longing in your withering heart. She does nothing as you do nothing. Your attention given to her slowly building to a cancer and the slow death of all your dreams.

Celebrity vagina becomes all encompassing

2007-07-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

Visible celebrity vagina as the sucking void. Their new life of existing through the computer instead of magazines has cut down on the glare and sheen of those pages protecting us from the absorption of the gape that lies on this site and sites like it. They are the symbol of a prison you design for yourself in order to deal with not persuing the triumph of real joy. Not addressing what you truly want creates a terror so large that an entire existence of numbed out living has to be designed in order to contain it, moments of false happiness created in order to trick ourselves into dealing with that structure. the prospect of joy so grand that the fear of not attaining it makes the work that must be done to do so seem daunting and impossible. instead we opt for the convenience of Internet vagina not realizing its collective, a black hole, an over fucked void. moments of happiness fleeting. a system that branches out sucking away more than it can ever give back, both of the world and of yourself, depleting our surroundings leaving us joyless

Tom Cruise in himself is a place to worship

2007-07-26T00:56:00.000-07:00

Filled with joy our hero once again inspires us to re-evaluate, re-structure, and re-define our lives. The negative press collecting futilely around him from those who live in a deep crippling fear sustained by a knowledge they hide from their souls - they will never know the all encompassing joy of this man. The proof of this lies in his laugh. When Tom Cruise laughs he laughs with the innocence of a child. His conscious so crystal clear his lungs spew purity. People, empty your hearts and build a temple from with in around this monument to joy.